A little catch up

After having a bit of ME time, It was much needed, I decided to carry on with working full time and also working Cam 2 nights a week. Last week (As I have always been very open) I earned £500 in 2 days,, I know what your thinking. Your probably thinking she had to do allll sorts to get that money.. NOPE. i sat from 9pm on saturday night untill 1:20am and i earnt £300 talking to some guy about life. And then the next night was exactly the same.. HOW LUCKY. i didnt have to move a muscle. I kind of prefer that i think ha.

Anyway me and my friend that also works cam, have decided our main cam man would be a money slave..
If you dont know what one of them are,two options: 1.Google it. 2.Read my next post.. I recommend option 2.

We managed to get in touch with this one guy that has set up a direct debit to us to pay out £120 a month just to talk to us Thats £60 each a month.. WHAT.
Sounds super easy, but i always feel so guilty. I hate taking from money slaves they dont deserve it. Who am i to take advantage? But thats what they want. I think im going to write a PAGE dedicated to all the different fetishes that i know have and have had experience with. Then you guys are opened up to it too.

So a little catch up with me, ive been looking for some more work on a weekend, i love money, but i do feel i have to work for it, But i  was looking at bar jobs and i dont want just a normal bar job. I want a SEX DUNGEON bar job! How interesting would that be? also i could learn some new domm tricks.

Other options than cam

As I said in my last post I’ve been struggling with having the urge to go on. There’s just no motivation, I can’t sit naked on cam for men to annoy me . Let’s face it, it’s degrading. I’ve now after a long train of thought decided that to keep the money coming in I will have to take on a Saturday night job. Hopefully working in a bar. I’m just looking for somewhere at the minute, which isn’t proving the easiest.

I’m taking so much on and it’s starting the wear me down but for some reason I’m ok with its. I don’t feel like I’m struggling.

I don’t know why I feel this way maybe it is because I’ve started doing cam work but I want a job that consists of maybe working in a freaky underground swingers bar or maybe even work as a stripper.. I never thought I would ever say that.

I don’t know how to dance for one so imagine me on stage. The things we do for money someone times I wonder what normal people actually do. Considering my ‘normal’ life is slowly fading away. Because I forgot to mention, my days are cutting down to 4 days a week. That’s £180 a week I’ll be going to. I own a home and I have to buy food. GREAT. One way or another I have to work!!

Love cleo x

Starting fresh.

I’ve not been so up to date like I promised on here with one thing to another I get to the point where I take a step back and have a good look at life. So much shit seems to happen to me that I end up in a hot mess and shutdown.

The cam work is really making me judge myself more than what I ever thought I would. I struggle to let loose unless I get extremely drunk and that is not me. I’m normally a health conscious freak!

I just can’t do it and do not have the self confidence that most people expect. I hide behind my makeup and body. I’m a really shy, over self obsessed little girl with alot of issues.
In my day job I have to seem happy, bubbly and confident. I’m not atall.

When I finished my day job today at 6pm I thought I would run home and get cracking, on slipped the wig and undressed into my matching underwear, I was sat on cam ready to go and I looked at myself. The angle was wrong the lighting was wrong my bloated belly and wobbly legs were everywhere. No matter which way I looked at it I looked nothing like someone who goes on these sites.

Here I go again judging myself, comparing myself to others, but it was true. I felt sick.

What have you become you fat mess. Take control of your life. Picking at the features on my face. Shaved off and redrawn on eyebrows, a ugly fat nose, wonky teeth. “Who would pay for you” my conscious echoed untill I had enough.

I hadn’t even logged on, but the comments you can get off people on there really make a difference.

“Are you a man”
“Take your wig off”
“Your ugly”
“You slut”

It’s like comeon, give me some slack. Please place your body on here and sit for hours, you don’t know me.

Obviously they have to take my full FAKE profile into mind because that’s what they believe, they believe in some slut that wants to see their ugly pieces of self grown meat. Get over yourselfs. ‘ a note to the dickheads out there that make such rude comments’ we don’t do this for the good of our health.

For most people who go on there do it for money reasons.

I just can’t cope with all the self hatred. I have never felt so disgusted with my own body. So as they all say “new year, new me” but a bit later on in the new year! FEBRUARY IS THE START OF MY NEW YEAR!

I will be making routines for my weight training and my cam session. IM GOING TO DO THIS!!

Queenie x

The response I’ve had..

So I’m my first life.. My everyday boring 5 days a week job part time housewife part time mother to a dog, no one knows about my secret ‘alter ego’ as many may call it. Apart from my best friend and my partner, it’s killing me keeping secrets but I know the reaction of people because I reacted the same once!

But the support I seem to receive on here is amazing. I’ve just started this blog and already getting great support! Thankyou to everyone who’s staying on top of my posts, I can imagine if anything it’s a interesting storyline, I’m sure they’re many more waiting. My next clientele post will be up tomorrow I have 2 waiting just as it’s nearly 4am here I’m up for a long day 9-8 (day job) 8:30-11pm(cam work) if anyone has any questions feel free to ask and I’ll get back to you ASAP! I’m quite open about everything because who else can I tell!

Thankyou for listening!!!

My third day and begging for it

Once again a day a normal work wasn’t doing it for me I need to get HOME. I was alone in the house for atleast 4 hours so I could be as dirty as they wanted.

I got Into a skimpy little white dress with my louboutins, and no underwear. My nipples poking trough the almost see through lace top on the dress and another bottle of wine drowned my sorrows.

I led waiting , actually pretending to touch my vagina to get the work in!

Ping ping ping. My computer was going wild and I realised how much men love heels and hardly clothes.

Most of them commented on my nipples and shoes. Being as dirty and slutty playing as dumb as possible I flirted back.

Why?

For the money of course!!

Private chat was amazing that night for pennies, even though many men wanted me to suck my dildo and say their name they also wanted me to rub my vagina and then suck my dildo afterwards.. Sickos I know.

But then the weirdos flooded. Men asking me if I would dom them.

For people who don’t know, dom is just short for dominatrix. They wanted me to tell them that I’ll wear a strap on and do them up the bum.

I couldn’t believe my eyes seeing these messages pop up. But I did as I was asked and I thought why not mix it up a little so as I was almost naked already and they liked being taken up the bum and liked giving it m, I lubbed up my dildo Bent over in front and technically ‘did myself’ up there.

Well that’s what they think. It’s amazing what you can fake in certain angles. I didn’t care. If that’s what they wanted to think that’s all I cared about. More and more money. As it goes on I feel more powerfull every single day! More professional. I lie what works and what doesn’t and I know what they want.

My second day.

As I grew more excited and confident thinking about it all day at my day in getting more obsessed with the idea of making more pennies, I rises home that night and straight up to my secret set up ‘sex chamber’ (my work office)

Positioned in just my underwear I waited for the work to pour it. Waving my dildo that if had for ages around the camera and the men kept falling in.

Pretending to like them was probably the worst bit but also the best. Then the message popped up.

“……. Wants to go private with you” and at £3 a minute I couldn’t turn it down.

I didn’t want to see him he just wanted to see me and we didn’t do much talking he wanted a quick fix just like me in many ways. I wanted a quick bank transfer and off we went. I stripped down the nothing positioned my cam in the middle of my legs and rubbed myself harder and harder as he asked. I played with my boobs and screamed his name over audio. Then his can clicked out and the session ended. £40 flew into my account and the time actually went quick. But it was only 8pm I have a few hours left let’s see what else I can do!

And as quick as he went another came along.

Private session didn’t take as long with him as he explained ‘he was about to cum everywhere’

So 10 minutes and BAM more money.

Then as the clicked ticked my confidence was rising and I did actually start getting kinder horny. Did I secretly like this whole showing myself and doing bad things that I shouldn’t be doing?? Or is it the flattering comments about my boobs and vagina that I kept receiving?

I wanted more and eventually left with £80.

After feeling the urge to actually sort my frustration out for such a long time as I’m not really described as a hobby person. Me and my partner shared a rather passionate night that night.

It was amazing for the first time in ages I felt pleasurable in places I haven’t felt for a while.

My first client.

As a newbie my nerves were pretty high and after reading it says to stay calm as people can see nerves on cam. What’s the quickest way to calm?

Alcohol of course. So the bottle of rose went down a treat that night. I sat in webcam for 60 minutes to a Indian man that just wanted to talk for 20 mins and then play the rest.

Obviously as a girl we know what playing means, but I couldn’t turn down the work! The easiest £120 I would ever make!

He asked me where I was from and my name and all things totally normal.

Then as the time went on he asked me to get my boobs out so I did I led there, like normal asking him how he was and what he was doing.

After showing me his large retracted penis a few times his camera closed. I asked where he’s gone and after several minutes he came back and said his wife had shouted him.

I felt sick. I didn’t know what to say or do. He’s downstairs talking to me and his wife is upstairs. But what do I do? Close the session and loose that money? I was desperate! I carried it out and after asking me to strip down to nothing and show him my vagina and give it a rub to get all wet and ‘milky’ as he put it. The session ended and the money bounced into my account.

I felt physically I’ll. he had done that to his wife. How would you feel?? I got into my pjs and went straight to bed and messaged my friend. Telling her about it made it seen less strange as she started telling me about lads who she’s spoken to that had said they have a girlfriend who has a younger sister at the age of 12 and wanted her to role play as the younger sister. To pretend to play with her and talk dirty to her. In the nicest possible way she told me at the end of the day it’s a job and if it’s not you who’s pockets their filling it’s someone else’s and how true that was.

I was in the urge of stopping all together but the desperation of debt and easy money came over me. That’s when I decided to Cary out untill is paid off all is owned and that’s it!

How did you get into it?

Let me introduce myself.

I am Queenie. Well that’s my internet name.

I am a normal typical girl that doesn’t really earn too bad money in my day job just not enough. It all started with the money I owe.
I was owing and owing so much money it was stating to grate me down. I couldn’t cope anymore. So I needed more money. I work during the day so my idea was to get a job at night. Another problem, I have no qualifications, I have no cv and I have no idea where to go or what more to do. All my friends can afford nice clothes, nice cars, how do they afford it!?
They don’t do what I do. This is how I make money but in the comfort of my own home and gaurenteed it! I’m gaurenteed the hours, and money. Day & night!!
It all started a few years back and that’s where I think we should start.

I was living a crazy lifestyle partying at a healthy size 10 I was sexy I had big boobs gorgeous long hair and sexy toned legs. I was offered money for sex and I obviously turned it down. I’m not a slut. I don’t want to be paid to be with someone I didn’t like

My friend who was a lot older then left with the guy and the rest was history. We all know what she did and we don’t need to get Into that.

I was disgusted. How could my best friend just go off with someone like that? A couple of years later when our friendship had floated Apart I saw her in a club aboard after splitting up with my partner, and she was telling me how she had became a escort.

The shock to know she had actually carried on with that lifestyle. If disgust hasn’t hit me in the last it hit me then.

She got into telling me details about all the nice places she went to and all the money she earnt and the gifts she received. In my head I thought the slag!how could you give up the most precious thing you have! YOUR BODY. YOUR TEMPLE. THE ONE THING YOU ACTUALLY OWN.

But it got me thinking, is this what girls do to earn all the nice things they own? To earn their house and why they seem so popular and have such a swanky lifestyle. I did my research and if you do it yourself you could probs read it. The amount of girls that do it! I was so shocked.

Once again after loosing each other in the club that night I went home mostly sober lying in bed thinking about it all.

I couldn’t do it. If feel dirty. I needed other options. And by chance I came across ‘webcam modelling’

This is just a posh word used for basically someone who does things on cam for money a prostitute without actually having to meet these people. I don’t even have to speak to them. Or see them.

I couldn’t open up to anyone except my bestfriend who has not admitted to me that she has been a Cam girl for years. I always wondered how she got the money but just figured it was through family, her day job.. Bla.

She sent me a link to where she works and what I need to do to become a member, which was too easy.

As I signed up I felt wrong, dirty and in all I have a partner!! What the hell will he think when he knows I get paid to do everything and ANYTHING.

I couldn’t sleep so at 2am I woke up him and discussed it. (He’s very laid back) after discussing the money problems and work issues he agreed. But if the money didn’t come in to stop straight away.

I thought why not, give it a go?

So all was signed and I waited, I don’t know wether I was excited or just feeling wrong about the whole thing!

That first night was the worst. I was a bag of nerves. Googling everything I needed to do. But I got my first hot with people and after dishing out £120 just by sitting on cam and talking I was hooked!

So this is my journey and stories about my webcam days.